


Frustration

by Allianah



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allianah/pseuds/Allianah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Speed prompt emotion: Frustration.<br/>Not my best work,which is funny because frustration is what I'm feeling right now lol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frustration

I glared at the bird singing cheerfully on my balcony. I wanted to kick the happy little bugger far off into the icy mountains. “Just keep singing you little pest,” I said aloud to it as it jumped away at the sound of my voice, “someday a little boy or girl bird is going to hurt you too.”

I turned on my heel and walked back into the warmth of my bedroom. 

 

Closing the doors, I could shut out the sunny singing bird. Unfortunately it seemed to make the raucous noise coming from the main hall only that much louder. I groaned, I knew my irritation and frustration was not at the noise, or the people in the hall, or even the bird outside. It was him. The Commander. Cullen. Just thinking his name brought on a feeling of ache.

 

I sat on the plush bed and put my head in my hands. I refused to cry, refused to give him another thought, yet a single stray tear fell uninvited down my cheek. I let it fall to the stone floor, daring any others to follow. I had shed many since that night. The night we’d drank a little too much and ended up in my room.

 

I laid back on the bed, legs bent at the knees, my arms pressed hard over my face trying to keep the unwanted wetness from seeping out. I knew I need a good cry, a good release of emotion to get over him. But, I didn’t want to get over him. I wanted to touch his face again as he came close to kiss my lips. I wanted to stare into his eyes, losing myself in the amber pools of desire. I wanted to run my hands and fingertips over the muscles lining his back, chest, and arms. I wanted to feel his hands in my hair, pulling lightly as he brought me closer to his lips. We hadn’t given in to lust that night, we’d stopped, and it had taken all of our strength but neither of us seemed ready yet.

 

“Ugh!,” I yelled in disgust at the direction of my thoughts. I pulled a pillow from my side and threw it across the room towards the door. How could I be thinking such things when in our morning meeting, Cullen had looked at me like I was anyone else in the room. When we passed in a corridor or in the yard, he’d nod his head in a greeting to me like he’d done many times before. There was no smile, no touch, no throwing me against the wall and ravaging my body. Had I dreamed everything that happened that night? Had it all been a dream?

 

“Good thing that was just a pillow,” Dorian said laughing and tossing it back on the bed. 

 

“I didn’t hear you come in Dorian,” I said trying to sound angry. I rolled over on to my side and stared at him. He was quite an exquisite sight. Light chocolate skin, dark hair, and dark eyes that seemed to mesmerise were only part of his stunning attributes. His honeyed voice and quick wit were what made him Dorian. I silently lamented the fact that Dorian preferred the male species over the female any day of the week.

 

“No, I don’t think you did.” He laughed, laid down on the bed across from me and rest his head on his hand. “You seemed to be quite occupied. Care to talk about it Inquisitor? Does it involve a certain tasty Commander?” His voice would normally be full of teasing when he mentioned Cullen, but it seemed he cared for my pain and wanted to help.

 

I didn’t want to talk about it, but wondered if maybe it might make feel better. Dorian was a man, maybe he could explain Cullen’s sudden indifference towards me. His sudden dislike of being in my presence. His sudden absence in my life, after being around every time I turned.

 

I sighed, “Yes, Dorian it does. I don’t understand why Cullen can’t look at me. Can’t stand to be around me.” I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them, fighting back the tears. “I wonder if I did something wrong when we were kissing...a lot.”

 

“Ah, I see,” Dorian said quietly. “I had wondered when you two would get around to easing the tension between you two,” he laughed lightly. “It was certainly a long time coming.”

 

I threw him a half glare and groaned. “No Dorian, we didn’t ease the tension as you call it. We just kissed, touched, you know just not that.” I sighed and continued, “I’ve seen Josephine and Blackwall, so much in love, not being able to get enough of each other, yet we don’t have that. They are constantly trying to blend into a shadowed alcove to kiss or whatever they do.”

 

“I think my dear, the Commander is not like Blackwall. He’s probably a more reserved man emotionally, being an ex Templar and all. And you are a mage after all. He’s probably afraid you’ll singe his hairs or something,” he laughed softly and I wondered if he’d done that to a lover at one time. I raised my eyebrows questioning and he waved his hand dismissing it. “Maybe he’s scared?”

 

I couldn’t see Cullen scared of anything. I’d watched him in battle, in the training yard, with his men. He wasn’t scared of anything. Why would he be scared of me? We’d gotten through the whole mage/templar taboo and overcame the feelings. “I don’t think he’s scared of anything Dorian,” I said dismissively.

 

Dorian laughed and ran his hand through his dark hair. It was a very seductive sight and I found myself remembering my hands doing the same thing to Cullen’s golden hair and thinking how it looked like shining gold in the candle light. “He was a damned Templar my dear. How many women do you think he has been with. How many do you think he could actually have? Marry? Fall in love with?” He shook his head, “I think the Commander might just be afraid of what he’s feeling.”

 

I could only stare at Dorian in disbelief. The thought had never occurred to me. Shy, bumbling, but afraid, no way. It did make sense though. “Say he is,” I started, “what do I do?”

 

Dorian sighed and rolled on to his back, and got up from the bed. “You give him space,” he said and walked towards the door. “I know patience is not your best virtue my dear Inquisitor and it’s frustrating, but I think that’s what you need to do.”

 

Over the next few days I took my meals in my room to avoid the Commander. I went to meetings and tried to pay attention to what was going on, not to who was there. I tried to act like Cullen was just another member of the Inquisition, not the man who’d stolen my heart and indifferently tossed it aside. I stayed away from the yard when training was going on. I volunteered for every assignment the council came up with, but always turned down. I was needed at Skyhold for now. My presence was a boon to the morale of the troops and a welcome flag to both mages and templars it seemed. 

 

Although the isolation was not an entirely bad thing, I was able to gather my thoughts on the coming battle with Corypheus, I still felt like I was suffocating. In frustration at my self inflicted loneliness I decided to walk the battlements. I had heard the Commander was going to be gone for the day, and knew I’d be safe from running into him.

 

The cool wind whipped my hair and robes as I walked. I had not been up here for some time, and the snow capped majestic mountains still awed me after all this time. It was beautiful, breathtaking, and lethal. I pulled a crate near the side and sat, mind empty and stared out at the vast snowy wilderness below. I closed my eyes, and rested my head on my folded arms and sat, shutting out all the noises of the keep.

 

I didn’t hear anyone approach, strange because the leather he wore seemed to always creak, and his boots always seemed to thud on the stone floor. “Inquisitor?” he asked softly, questioning.

 

I knew that voice. Knew how it sounded whispering in my ear, saying my name as he kissed me over and over. I cleared my throat, and turned to him, “Commander?,” I said using the same formality he had.

 

His eyes seemed to look everywhere but at me. I noticed the uneasy way he shifted from foot to foot and knew this was it. He was going to tell me what a mistake he’d made, how he’d just wanted a quick tryst. Yet we hadn’t, so I wasn’t so sure about that.

 

I found the frustration of the past few weeks coming back and I clenched my hands, nails biting into my palms to keep from yelling at him. I wanted to ask why he didn’t want me, why he ignored me, why he acted like nothing had happened between us.

 

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you, but I haven’t seen you much lately,” he said nervously.

 

I wanted to yell at him that if he hadn’t ignored me, he’d have seen me much more. But, I just shrugged and continued to look at him. The heaviness of my gaze seemed to unnerve him more. “What did you want to talk about Cullen?” The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. I didn’t want to know, not if it was the end of whatever had been blossoming between us.

 

“I was afraid that you avoiding me meant you didn’t want me.” His words were barely visible over the wind, but I heard them. My heart heard them and it soared. He was feeling the same as me. 

 

“Oh Cullen,” I said standing and touching his chest with my hand, “I thought the same thing. I was so frustrated, so hurt. I didn’t think you wanted me.”

 

He shook his head in disbelief at my words. “Not want you?” He stared down at me and lifted my chin up so that I was looking into his face. The shyness seemed to have faded and he was completely in control. “By the maker, how could I not want you? I want you more than ever.”

 

With his strong hands, he cupped both sides of my face and pulled me close, softly kissing my lips. “Then why did you act like I didn’t exist Cullen?” I asked, my voice a whisper, breathless from the kiss.

 

He stared down at me, and I could see emotions rolling across his face. I knew at that moment how hard it was for him to show those emotions, after all the years of training and being hardened by battle, torture, and anger. “You frighten me, my dear. I could lose you at any moment. I’d rather have Corypheus tear out my heart than lose you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

I could feel warm tears on my cheeks. It felt as though a dam had broken and they just poured out. “You will never lose me,” I said hugging him close, feeling the warmth of his arms as they enveloped me and held me as I cried.

 

I don’t know how long we stood there, the sun was starting to fall and we were both freezing. Cullen grabbed my hand and we walked back to my room, silent, yet closer than before. I knew things wouldn’t be the same between us and I was happy for that.


End file.
